According to the Social Scurity Administration, the average salary in the U.S. is roughly $43,000. If you make 10,000 times what Governor1970 makes (assuming he's just an average Joe), then you're pulling in $430,000,000 per year. How do you find time to make all of that money and still post on MSN?

There should be three periods after shift, not two.

"Beyoncé cancels Belgium show under doctor's orders"   Was she physically standing under those orders when she cancelled the show?

"The maybe recipe for Coke is on eBay for $5 million"   You take five poppy plants, cut the side of the bulb so the juice leaks out, then you. . . Ohh wait a second, you meant Coca Cola?  Nevermind then, carry on.

When I grab my phone, my intention is usually to make a call, not to post to Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg took a blender and tried to make it toast.

Full retirement will be at age 66 years until 2022 when the age will be 67. At your "full" retirement age (when you have 40 covered quarters) you will get what is called your PIA (primary insurance amount). If you retire early (you can retire as early as 62), your PIA will be reduced by 5/9ths every month you retire ea...more

I guess the thieves, like Anne Frank, weren't Beleibers.

So when my landlord comes looking for his rent, shall I say Jesus will take care of it?

I went to a hotel once, pulled out a $10 mini liquor bottle from the in-room fridge, laughed at the ridiculous price and put it back. When I checked out, there was a $10 charge for the liquor bottle on my bill. Apparently the fridge had sensors in it and automatically charged me for just moving the bottle, regardless o...more