This sounds similar to Barry as he tries to explain the ineptitude of his administration.

Guess that she should have picked on an older girl

Where's bubonic plague when we need it the most?

The insecure attempting to control others

We have too much government trying to meddle in our lives.  Is that treatable?

Just keep the printing press power on and we'll all be millionaires

Guessing that the city won't permit a new British restaurant named "Shite Shite."

This will be the WORST astronomical event EVER but it's okay because we have Barry at the helm and he has a track record of handling all of the WORST situations EVER.   Besides, Obamaville is too big to fail.  mmm, mmm, mmm!

Philly has more ex-offenders seeking opportunities than it has opportunities to offer.  mmm, mmm, mmm!